Imagine Dan Halen picking out these cards.
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Early exercises his freedom of speech by speeching differently from now on.
The Roadkill Rembrandt rides again.
Early revisits the storage unit where he spent his childhood.
Early LARPs as a military veteran to save 10% on an omelet.
Early achieves enlightenment, then shoves it down everyone else's throat.
Terror strikes from the skies! Who's next? Hoo!
Early is forced to choose between his community and his hats.
Granny finds love and Early loses his mind.
Early interferes with Rusty's new party business and it's last call…for action!
Justice is served, mayo free.
Grab deez nutz and Guzzle up!
Sheriff discovers alcohol at the world's largest outdoor cocktail party.
Everyone lies and all the houses burn.
Two idiots argue about stuff nobody cares about.
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas!
Two idiots open competing taquerias mere feet from one another.
Sheriff tries stand-up comedy and kills himself.
Sheriff's old classmate makes the mistake of returning to town.
You can take the squid out of the boy, but it's not covered by insurance.
Early takes one for the team, the wrong team, in the battle over marriage equality.
Early trades his legs for walking around money.
Dan Halen faces his own mortality and finds solace in an ancient religion.
Rusty commits a felony offense to prove he's a good dad.
Early triggers the collapse of society so he can enjoy his expensive new doomsday bunker.
Sheriff's dad, the Sheriff, breaks the law to break down social barriers.
Early discovers there's more than one way to beat a feeble old woman.
Early puts his love in all the wrong places.
Early loses the love of his life.
Early learns the value of a hard day's work done by someone else.
Early becomes king of a local cave.
Early goes on a rampage with the ghost of his dead father.
Rusty ducks his responsibilities as a deadbeat dad to become an amateur crime-fighter.
Deputy Sheriff Denny runs for Sheriff against Sheriff Sheriff.
A new judge takes the controversial stance of punishing criminals.
The squids have a nuanced and well thought out debate on the controversial practice of fracture mining.
Early shoots Rusty to prove that guns should be legal.
Rusty sacrifices his mediocre dreams to support the family that abandons him.
When a serial killer is on the loose, Sheriff turns to the town's stupidest citizen for help.
Sheriff and Rusty go on a manhunt for Early at Lake Okaleechee.
Lil's loved ones try to get her re-addicted to drugs.
Early gets jealous that Rusty has been taking the credit for all the crimes Early blamed on him.
Sheriff almost makes the biggest mistake of his life, then does.
Early's asbestos addiction finally catches up with him.
At his high school reunion, the Sheriff settles an old score.
Rusty discovers the joys of being a teenage father.
Early's parenting skills are called into question by a magical snowman.
Early protests the arrival of a big box store by working there.
The discovery of Lil's secret drug operation brings widespread panic to Dougal County.
Early decides to remain faithful to all 97 of his new wives.
When his father is placed on death row, Early snaps to action and tries on a new hat.
The squids are fed up with government attempts to improve their lives.
Advances in modern technology allow Early to visit Florida.
Early's twisted dreams come true when Granny suffers a life-mangling injury.
Early's GPS shows him the fastest route from friendship to obsession, avoiding all toll roads.
Rusty's special talent is playing football. Early's special talent is exploiting Rusty.
Terror ensues after Early shoots a cow belonging to Al-Qaeda.
An accident leads to rage leads to friendship leads to love leads to murder leads to political success.
Books are a window to an amazing new world, and that's why they're wrong.
Early protects menial American jobs from the Mexicans willing to do them.
Rusty discovers that steroids have no negative repercussions.
Oldest living confederate widow doesn't say anything of real relevance.
The Sheriff goes deep undercover to apprehend his most wanted man.
Early learns to deal with rage by punching it in the face.
The Cuylers slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of God's Bro.
Early learns the importance of family, and profiting off them.
When the media sensationalizes his son's disappearance, Early finds the coverage to be sensational.
Rusty opens up a world of digital wonder when he mashes buttons.
Granny indulges in the ultimate spa experience.
Perverts need love. Rusty delivers.
Early's DNA is finally put to good use.
Rusty's soul is a pawn in the endgame between good and evil.
The squids fail to learn a valuable lesson about conservation.
Lil's disregard for birth control provides a lifelong friend for Early.
Smelling youthful and sexy comes at a heavy price.
Pedal meets metal and windshield meets Rusty.
A study of the migrations and libations of the ignorant redneck land squid.
Sheriff investigates the origins of fire, and its role in the burning of the squids' house.
Early teaches Rusty that life is a game and sex is first place.
The greatest story ever told. About cartoon squids.
...About Dan Halen: An intimate look at one of history's most intriguing figures, presented in glorious English.
The Squids stalk Georgia's rarest bird because the TV box told them to.
Granny's on the prowl for love, Confederate style.
Drought is a disease. David Allan Coe is the cure.
Dan Halen tries his hand at human sacrifice.
A pointless and moronic tale of the dangers of going green.
Early's passion for Krystal spikes after she wins the lottery.
Early and the Sheriff reach a crossroads. Not starring Charles Napier.
Something strange comes out of Rusty's butt.
Early does his part to support Georgia public education.
The squids meet a legless drifter. Not featuring Patrick Swayze.
Early's party hat enrages God.
Early discovers that his magic beans are far from magic.
A giant ant-man ruins Halloween.
Granny cheats death for another week.
Early learns a valuable lesson about the downside of mind control.
Violence leads to marriage in a very special Squidbillies.
Atlanta, home of several location shots used in Six Pack, starring Kenny Rogers.
Early is indifferent to Rusty's search for truth.
Early circumvents state law.
Early ruins Christmas.
Introducing America's favorite animated family.
Early seeks employment in a difficult job market.
After a debilitating sports injury, Rusty is home schooled by Early.
An ancient squid ceremony leads to revelations regarding Rusty's maternity.
Revelations regarding Rusty's maternity lead to questions regarding Rusty's paternity.
Early concocts a popular new beverage.
The Hold Steady closes out season 12 and performs the Squidbillies theme song. Catch the final episode on Sunday, September 15th at 12:15 am ET/PT on Adult Swim.
Can we go viral now?
Clutch make the Squids theme their own. Squidbillies airs Sundays at Midnight ET.
Jason D. Williams sure can raise the roof!
Tony Tidwell performs the Squids theme.
Listen and learn what didn't happen during the Civil War.
Here's Ray Wylie Hubbard's take on the Squids theme. Squidbillies airs Sundays at Midnight ET.
Take a look at Dan Auerbach and Shannon Shaw's rollicking take on the Squids theme. Squidbillies airs Sundays at Midnight ET.
The squids theme gets a New Orleans makeover. Squidbillies airs Sundays at Midnight ET.
Early of the Sea