With Peter's urging, Joe publishes his first children's book; but his lack of stage presence prompts Joe's publisher to ask Peter to become the face of the book.
An earthquake strikes in Haiti, prompting Lois to start a blood drive to help the victims. She gives homemade cookies to all the blood donors. Peter loves the cookies so much he thinks they can make money by selling them.
A fight over a chew-rope with Peter leaves Brian toothless and disfigured. But after a visit with QuagmireÆs dentist, Brian puts his new ôtoothyö smile to the test, as a real estate agent.
Stewie gets enrolled in a fancy private school. Worried that his new school will be too expensive, Lois gets a job at the post office. While sorting mail, she discovers an old letter Peter had written to an ex-girlfriend, Gretchen.
After Peter gets stuck overnight on the kiddy train at the Quahog Mall, he becomes jealous when Lois fawns over the handsome new Channel 5 reporter, Dallas Portland, who interviews him.
Chris decides to run for homecoming king and, to the surprise of everyone, wins! Lois, Brian, and Stewie fear that Chris's classmates only voted for him in order to pull a prank on him at the dance.
Brian calls tech support for his computer and quickly hits it off with Padma, the female tech support operator from India. Brian flies to India to meet her with Stewie tagging along.
While throwing rotten apples into oncoming traffic with Peter, Chris hits the car of the coach of the James Woods High School baseball team. Impressed with his arm, Coach Doyle asks Chris to join the team.
The pilots at the Quahog Airport are on strike, and Quagmire is worried about being able to pay his bills. When a bachelorette party mistakes him for the male stripper they hired, he decides to take it up and make some easy money.
James Woods hosts a "behind the scenes" episode of Family Guy, where we observe one production week in the life of the show (if the Griffins were a real family playing themselves and shooting on a soundstage).
When Lois catches Stewie and Brian watching something inappropriate and puts on a children's music program instead, a frustrated Stewie decides to write his own baby songs with Brian. The two form a band, "Red Shirt, Blue Shirt".
As prom approaches, Chris is having his usual girl troubles at school. When Chris is rejected by his crush, Stewie encourages him to post a fan video asking pop star Taylor Swift to the prom.
The Griffins take Stewie to the hospital, fearing his arm may be broken. Dr. Hartman informs them that Stewie still hasn't had his vaccinations.