Stan avoids giving Steve "the talk" by joining a chastity group. The Smiths build a waterslide in the backyard.
Roger becomes worried about outliving the family. Klaus opens a convenience store in the attic.
Steve and Roger restart their career as a twin brother acting duo. The family becomes addicted to a novelty gift shop.
Steve goes to boarding school not realizing it's an all-girls school and a parade of sitcom characters arrive to take his place at home.
Francine becomes obsessed with him security after a break in. Steve tries Hayley's laidback approach to school work.
Roger runs off in disguise as a Julia Roberts character to a small town after Stan hurts his feelings. Steve plans a meeting when he finds out that Jeff and Barry have never met.
Stan becomes addicted to "dying" after Roger tricks him into thinking he had a heart attack. Klaus takes Steve to Arizona State University for a college visit, where a fraternity hazes him.
The family competes on the reality show The Bitchin' Race. After Stan and Hayley ditch the less-motivated Steve and Francine and team up, they end up in a Tunisian labor prison.
Francine reconnects with her birth family when she starts craving the experience of having a big family. Stan becomes a Picker based on his obsession with American Pickers.
While having trouble communicating, Stan and Hayley team up to stop a terrorist plot to blow up the Bazooka Sharks arena. Roger pretends to be an escort.
Roger and Klaus start having a secret affair after they accidentally end up on an online date together. Steve tries to catch Hayley's pink eye to get out of doing a fitness test at school.
Stan and Steve open up their own father-son garbage business after Stan inherits his father's old truck. Roger finds Hayley is a natural at bumper pool and brings her to play with the best player in town.
With Steve too busy with his girlfriend, Francine decides she wants another baby. Stan, however, does not, so he secretly gets a vasectomy.
Stan's competitive streak is unleashed when he and Francine start ice dancing together. Stan dumps Francine to compete with Roger. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get a mail order Russian bride.
President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
Stan chases his dream of making a fortune and living the American dream by selling holiday teddy bears. When business takes off Stan hires illegal immigrants to help him, but INS quickly starts breathing down his neck. Meanwhile, Steve starts a band with his friends, only to have Roger usurp him as the lead.
Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.
While researching a school paper, Steve happens upon the symbol of a mysterious order that protects a secret about the origins of peanut butter. Together with Stan he sets out to unravel this mystery. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley play a marathon game of Jenga.
Stan mistakes a routine drill at work for the end of the world and rushes his family into the middle of nowhere to protect them. But when he realizes it's not the end of the world, he doesn't want to risk being called a "boob" so he keeps the charade going. Meanwhile, Roger joins JDate so he can have a wedding and get a new blender as a gift.
Despite Francine's objections, Stan insists she set her friend up on a date with Bullock. When things go wrong and Bullock accidentally kills Francine's friend, Stan goes to incredible lengths to avoid hearing her tell him "I told you so." Meanwhile, Roger gets a prosthetic nose and is mistaken for Kevin Bacon.
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine's past really was. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.