• Need to get the attention of a hotel bartender? Try to be a beautiful woman.
  
  
• If you can't be a beautiful woman, affect the attitude and mannerisms of at least a C-level movie personality or a B-level television personality. Never attempt A-level status of any kind; they would never drink here.
  
  
• The length of any line for coffee is always inversely proportional to the quality of the coffee being served.
  
  
• Long waits and high prices got you down? Beat the system by storing and preparing your own hot dogs in the small of your back as you wander the convention. Your body heat and natural juices will take it from there.

• Proper etiquette for unexpected elevator rides with movie stars: Avoid eye contact. Keep your hands at your sides. Hum the theme song from their most popular film softly to yourself. Shout their most popular catch phrase as they exit, then text your friends rapidly.
  
  
• Famous artists love giving portfolio reviews on-the-spot. If you're within shouting distance, go ahead and start pitching yourself at full volume.
  
  
• Celebrities know how high a phone needs to be held to text or check email. You're not fooling anyone. Just ask for a picture.
  
  
• No star can resist a photo opportunity with a child dressed as one of their famous characters or film roles. Try your best to produce or procure a child before Comic-Con.

• "Free Hugs" are a lie; the price is and always has been your dignity.
  
  
• You WILL get sick. Just accept that now and find peace with it.
  
  
• By day three, the floor in and around the convention center will be smothered with layers upon layers of discarded papers, flyers and postcards. The air will consist of mostly fart clouds. Keep all open flames at least half a mile from the convention center.
  
  
• Additionally: Plan a cosplay idea that revolves around gas masks or air filters. Suggestions: Darth Vader, Jin-Roh Soldier, "Agoraphobic Batman"

* These are obviously jokes. Do not attempt them.