While throwing rotten apples into oncoming traffic with Peter, Chris hits the car of the coach of the James Woods High School baseball team. Impressed with his arm, Coach Doyle asks Chris to join the team.
Lois has a girls' night out with Bonnie and Donna where they decide to prank call their husbands. After Lois's friends ridicule their spouses, Lois decides to pretend to be Peter's long lost daughter.
At Stewie's graduation, Brian states that Stewie's proud moment is no big feat. Stewie takes it upon himself to try and acquire some real world knowledge. Meg is discovered by a photographer who asks her if she would like to model for him.
Meg is worried that she won't do well on her SATs, so she convinces Brian to take the test for her. A confident Brian agrees to the challenge, and even dresses up like Meg, only to find out that he received the lowest score in the class.
Brian accidentally sells Rupert to a man at the Griffin's garage sale. With Stewie absolutely devastated, Brian attempts to get the bear back. Unfortunately, the man who purchased Rupert has moved to Colorado with his family, so the two hit the road to recover the beloved bear.
After an unfortunate unicyle accident at Meg's 17th birthday party, Peter tumbles down the stairs and into his father, Francis. On Francis' deathbed, he leaves his son with the unsettling parting words "You're a fat stinking drunk." During hypnotherapy, Peter remembers a time where Francis told him that he was not his real father. Peter then goes on a journey to find his real dad.
Chris falls for his new substitute teacher (who wants him to kill her husband), while Brian tries to get through to a bunch of school rejects.
A mall makeover launches Meg into super-stardom, culminating in an appearance on Saturday Night Live.
When Peter is diagnosed as mentally retarded, he realizes the many and mischievous uses to which he could apply his newfound handicap.
Brian and Quagmire vie for the same woman's affections when they are cast on "The Bachelorette".