Black Dynamite

'A Crisis for Christmas' or 'The Dark Side of the Dark Side of the Moon'

It's Christmastime at The Whorephanage, and while Black Dynamite loves the holidays, he's distracted by a problem: what can he get the orphans for Christmas? "How do you make a little Orpheen feel like he's got a mamma for at least one day out of the year?" Black Dynamite finds his answer in Little Orphan Arnold's enthusiasm for the impending lunar launch and his wish for a moon rock.

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Season 1

'Pilot' or 'Trouble on Puppet Street'

Our ass-kickin-friend-of-the-community Black Dynamite takes on his childhood mentor and surrogate father: That Frog Kurtis, a Puppet TV educator turned super villain!

EP 1 'Jackson Five Across Yo' Eyes' or 'Just Beat It'

When Cream Corn saves young Michael Jackson from an assassination attempt, the pint-sized pop star finds in Corn a new best friend. But as Black Dynamite soon discovers, Jacko is far from the cute bundle of talent the world adores: he's a merciless alien force who leaves his brothers and father Joe in constant fear of a bitch slapping! And when Cream Corn too has finally had enough, Dynamite and crew step in to slap the black off Mike's face, changing music and Michael forever.

EP 2 'Bullhorn Nights' or 'Murder, She Throats'

It started as a mission to infiltrate the world of adult film in order to solve a case. But now Bullhorn may be in over his head... in bitches. Convinced he's found his true purpose (making bitches happy with his "Sweet Throat"), Bullhorn abandons crime fighting to become a celebrity porn star. It's up to Black Dynamite to extract his sidekick from the pornucopia of pleasure and convince him there's more important things in life than f**king on film.

EP 3 'Taxes and Death' or 'Get Him to the Sunset Strip!'

With the IRS on his case for a reported $60K and tax day fast approaching, Black Dynamite and crew experience one of their most challenging missions to date when they are hired to escort drug-addled and emotionally unstable cultural icon Richard Pryor (Eddie Griffin) to the comedy performance of his career.

EP 4 'A Crisis for Christmas' or 'The Dark Side of the Dark Side of the Moon'

EP 5 'Panic on the Player's Ball Express' or 'That's Influenza!'

Every year the Player's Ball - the annual international gala gathering of Pimps - tries to top the previous years' festivities. This year, it's a costume party on a luxurious cross-country train. But with Black Dynamite stuck at home with the flu, there's no telling what might go down. Bullhorn, Honey Bee and Cream Corn are enjoying the extravaganza when Captain Kangaroo Pimp turns up dead. Now every pimp and ho is a suspect.

EP 6 'The Race War' or 'Big Black Cannon, Balls Run!'

Black Dynamite's non-white arch nemesis, Fiendish Dr. Wu. has stolen an experimental supply of Menthol X-a super addictive mind-control additive-and sold it to the Notorious Big Tobacco Company! But even more sinister is his plan to covertly transport it across country in The Race War, a stock car race that pits all the world's races against one another to determine which race is the most superior one of all.

EP 7 'The S**t That Killed The King' or 'Weekend At Presley's'

When the President's plan to destroy the Black community with illegal drugs backfires, Tricky Dick unleashes his latest weapon: Special DEA agent Elvis Aaron Presley! The bloated, pillpopping, not-quite-Karate posing, King of Rock n' Roll is charged with confiscating all the drugs in the community and destroying its "ill-gotten gains." But Black Dynamite ain't going to let it go down like that.

EP 8 'Honky Kong' or 'White Apes Can't Hump'

If Calgon can't take Honey Bee away, a giant albino gorilla can! The grind of running the Whorephanage has finally taken its toll on Honey Bee. To cheer her up, Black Dynamite takes her to the circus where she finds a most unlikely admirer in the main attraction: a giant albino ape named Honky Kong! Inflamed, the beast kidnaps Bee and takes her to the top of Watts Towers, where neither the old-ass Tuskegee Airmen, nor Black Dynamite's trademark kung fu are enough to rescue her.

EP 9 'Apocalypse, This!' or 'For the Pity of Fools' AKA 'Flashbacks are Forever'

Back in Vietnam, Black Dynamite's "brother from another mother," LAWRENCE TUREAUD was a force to be reckoned with. That is until the US pulled out and left the man for dead. Now it turns out he's alive and cannibalizing the locals-literally slow-roasting them with his own brand of BBQ sauce. BD and Crew agree to return to 'Nam to track down Tureaud and set him straight-before the US Special Forces do. Pity the fool who will try to stop them!

EP 10 'Seed of Kurtis' AKA 'Father Is Just Another Word For Motherf***er'

The Reverend DADDY DYNAMITE (Clifton Powell) left Black Dynamite when he was just a little 8-year old boy. But now he's back in the Community preaching a new kind of revivalism, and BD... couldn't be happier? Despite protests from the Crew, BD opens up the doors of the Whorephanage to his father and the two enjoy catching up until Daddy D convinces his flock to donate all of their material possessions - to him! "Exploiting the Community's sins is just not Black Dynamite's style."

Season 2

EP 1 'Roots: The White Album' or 'The Blacker the Community the Deeper the Roots!'

When ROOTS hits the air and the Community finally sees just how bad slavery was, Al Sharpton whips everyone into a reparation frenzy and they storm Beverly Hills, enslaving every white honky cracker they can find! But BD sees that since you can't even keep white slaves alive without caviar and arugula, being slave masters is actually bringing the Community down. Is Black Dynamite actually going to fight for the White Man's freedom?

EP 2 'Black Jaws!' or 'Finger Lickin' Chicken of the Sea'

A soul-food-eating contest gets everyone in the Black Community down to the summer's biggest beach party. But the party's already jumped the shark when a giant shark jumps out and starts eating people! Captain Quinton, the local old, eyepatched, shark-hunting mysterious mother#*?@#$% tells Black Dynamite this isn't just Jaws, it's Black Jaws. All BD has to do is swim out there and kill that shark, but wait, what? Black Dynamite can't swim? Oh, crap, this might be a real problem!

EP 3 'Warriors Come Out' or 'Mean Queens of Halloween'

It's Halloween in LA and Cream Corn convinces BD and the Crew to go to a street party where, let's just say, ain't nobody in the closet. Everything's gay (as in happy) and gay (as in gay) until the Emcee is assassinated in front of everyone! The unseen shooter frames BD and the Crew, and now they're on a run for their lives, trying to clear their name, pursued by every gay gang south of West Hollywood!

EP 4 'How Honeybee Got Her Groove Back' or 'Sexodus' or 'Night of the Living Dickheads'

A busted-up Whorephanage needs repairs and busted-up whores need a vacation, so Honey Bee takes the harem to Jamaica for R&R. The hoes party to their heart's content, and a disinterested Honey Bee gets her groove back when she meets the one and only Bob Marley! Back at the Whorephanage, all the sex-starved johns turn into horny zombies trying to hump their way into the building, but Honey Bee couldn't care less, she's not coming home! Bob Marley could be her happily ever after if not for all these assassins with machine guns constantly trying to kill them!

EP 5 'Sweet Bill's Badass Singalong Song' or 'Bill Cosby Ain't Himself'

When BD's old buddy, maverick "Sweet Sweetback" filmmaker Melvin Van Peebles, gears up to shoot his next blaxploitation movie in the Community, everyone's excited to help out except Bill Cosby! Desperate for positive black images, Cos kidnaps the entire all-star cast and tries to brainwash them into besweatered, upstanding representatives of the black race! While Bullhorn, Cream Corn and Honey Bee fill-in for the talent and try to keep the film afloat, BD must track down the pudding-pop-pusher himself and save all of black film history!

EP 6 'Mister Rogers' Revenge' or 'Please Don't You Be His Neighbor'

On the Orphans' collective birthday, Black Dynamite brings them all to a show taping with their favorite TV white man, Mister Rogers. Now, you'd think that Fred Rogers was never a trained Special Forces killer and that he would definitely not kidnap all the Orphans in a deranged attempt to protect them from evil TV executives and that's exactly what doesn't not happen! With the cops outgunned and the Orphans behind guerrilla defenses, it's up to Black Dynamite to invade that neighborhood and face off with Mister Rogers himself.

EP 7 'American Band Standoff' or 'The Godfather of Soooul Train' or 'Get On Your Goodfellas'

Cream Corn is excited as hell at getting a chance to dance on Soooooooul Train, the hippest trip in America, but BD knows the truth the music game is a vicious, to-the-death battle between the Godfather Don Cornelius and murderous Dick Clark of American Bandstand. Cream Corn becomes a Soul Train dancer, and Don's old muscle Black Dynamite sees that just when he thought he was out… they pull him back in.

EP 8 'Diff'rent Folks, Same Strokes' or 'The Hunger Pain Games'

Child Services is finally on to the Whorephanage and slaps them with a shutdown notice! But it's okay, because rich white Mr. Phil Drummond and his rich white friends adopt all the orphans at once and whisk them off to a luxury high-rise in the sky. Just as BD comes to terms with no longer having the Orphans around, he learns that luxury skyscraper is actually a deathmatch arena where the Orphans fight each other to the death for food! He's got to put an end to these Hunger Pang Games, no matter how popular they are!

EP 9 'The Wizard of Watts' or 'Oz Ain't Got S&@# On The Wiz'

Black Dynamite's one day off couldn't be more work: everyone needs his help AND a riot blows up. A brick to the head sends BD hallucinating into the Magical Land of Oz-Watts, a trippy technicolor world where… everyone needs his help! Between getting Scarecorn some game, Lionhorn a muzzle and the Tin Bee a set of balls, BD has to fight off the Wicked Bitch of the West Side and reach the Great and Powerful Mother#*?@#$%'s palace, or he'll never get home.