How To Live In Gary Oldman's Walls Undetected
Xpert Ted Snyder explains how laying completely still for hours and licking condensation off water pipes are just two of the many skills you'll need if you want to live behind Gary Oldman's walls.
Spring Cleaning Tips
It's time for a fresh start! Let our spring cleaning Xpert give you some meaty tips for tidying up your home.
How to Draw a Duck
Once art Xpert Jill Hanley learns to embrace her duck-drawing ability, she is introduced to a special friend who will change her life forever.
How to Unclog a Drain
Home repair Xpert Frank Diebel shows you the second easiest way to unclog your drain, just behind not having your insane sister-in-law living with you for God knows how long.
How to Draw a Mountain Landscape
XHow Art Xpert Jill Hanley shows you how to draw a mountain landscape.
How to Carve a Pumpkin
In preparation for Halloween, Xpert Matt Beacon shows you the best way to carve a pumpkin.
How to Fix a Dog Door
Frank Diebel gives us some quick fix-it tips for when your crazy goddamn sister-in-law tries to claw her way through your dog door.
How to Iron a Shirt
Xpert Matt Beacon shows you how to iron a shirt and look like a functional human being before the delivery person arrives.
A 70-Crease Fan-Fold Ain't Gonna Bring Your Wife And Kid Back
Make sure your stupid origami dragon has proper jaw articulation so you don't spiral into utter hopelessness, you loser.
How to Find Worthless Crap to Sell on eBay
X-pert Matt Beacon shows you how to turn your broken life into cold, hard cash.
Magic Apartment Land
Magic Apartment Land: Vibrator
The living room residents take pity on a miserable sex toy left behind after the human's romantic evening.
Magic Apartment Land: Memories
Chad, a wall-mounted antelope head, undergoes hypnotic therapy to discover he was once a living, breathing creature. But in the process, he learns something more.
Magic Apartment Land: The Grand Illusion
A snooty foreign DVD is offended by the gang's love of Adam Sandler. But who is the REAL elitist? Probably that DVD.
Magic Apartment Land: Pillow Fight
Jealously rears its ugly head as Jimmy The Pillow resents the popularity of Billy The Pillow and vows to get him out of the apartment -- no matter what the cost. [When the humans leave, ordinary objects come to life as if by magic. They drink, swear, and have sex, also as if by magic.]
Magic Apartment Land: Perv Laptop
A porn-loving laptop grosses out the living room with blatant displays of human sexuality, forcing Edwin to step in.
Magic Apartment Land: Bedbugs
A sexually transmitted bedbug epidemic seems imminent in Magical Apartment Land and Tracy won't rest until she finds out who is patient zero.
Magic Apartment Land: Gary's Birthday
Giving Gary a surprise birthday party is not the best idea the living room has ever had.
Magic Apartment Land: Labeling
After an alcohol-filled evening, the living room residents are left with nothing but embarrassing, printed labels on their bodies and a whole lot of regret.
Porn Foley - Episode Three
The final installment of Porn Foley, the groundbreaking documentary on adult film Foley master Horst Pehl. Written and directed by Dyna Moe. Starring Mitch Magee, edited by Bill Buckendorf, and shot by Trent Ermes.
The Trash Heap
Kelly Hudson is going behind the scenes of this summer's hottest blockbusters to reveal which A-lister has a vestigial tail and who is sporting the hot head muscle that will have your helmet bulging.
Celebs aren't the only ones soaking up the sun and viciously attacking the paparazzi. Get the skinny on beach happenings at Cannes!
March Madness romance is just inevitable and Hot Trash's Kelly Hudson is here to dig through the basketball court dirt for you in this year's HOOP SCOOP!
Royal Baby Daddy Lineup
Kelly Hudson is having a look under Princess Kate's knickers to identify the real father of the new royal baby.
The Grammys You Didn't Get To See
Thing X has the GRAMMY INFECTION! Check out which winners WEREN'T televised last night on Hot Trash!
Kelly Hudson has all the dirt on the dozens of celebrity relationships that have ended recently.
Trash Heap Minute: Sexy Fall Leaves
Winter is coming on fast, and you know what that means--the world is covered in hot, horny leaves. Kelly gives you the latest on all of fall's most f**kable foliage.
Help! Help! He's Going To Kill Us All!
What do the universe and C. Thomas Howell have in common? They both failed miserably at their very first Twitter Feud!
See How Sloppy Celebrities Look After They Slop Out a Baby
It's every American's right to see these dumpy bodies that just crapped out a baby!
2014 Grammy Preview
Kelly has all the gossip leading up to the Grammys, like which hot recording superstar just had his head blown off by a high-powered rifle.
Gobble Gobble, Guys! This Year, The Trash Heap Is Thankful For Gossip and Lies!
Forget about your stupid sh**ty Thanksgiving, you loser! What are the celebs doing!?!?
One Direction's New Movie Made Kelly's Pubes Fall Out! It's That Good!
A band full of fresh, nubile baby boys just begging to be exploited by old men and worshipped by tweenies? Can you think of a better subject for a movie? Kelly Hudson can't.
Being Sweaty and Dirty and Listening to The National on A Stage Half a Mile Away!? Yes Please!
Hot, filthy, and boring! Everything you love in a music experience!
Kelly Serves Up the New Fall Sitcoms, One Steaming Pile of Garbage at a Time
The end of the summer signals a very special time of year. No, not Autumn you dumbbell! We're talking about the new sitcom lineup!
Stock Footage Commentary
Method Acting To Convince Others You Enjoy Pizza
A careless gaffer pushes an entire stock footage film crew to the brink of murder, nihilism, and insanity.
Four would-be street artists get together to start a crew that will dominate the five boroughs! Or not. Paynt Boyz. Represent.
A rival tagging crew disses the Paynt Boyz online, leaving Blayde, Ponk, Blaid, and Ivan no choice but to fight the mysterious PMS to get their cred back.
A Marriage Crumbles from 12 Trillion Miles Away
Sassy Girl Mining Company employee James Bagley sends a heartfelt message to his son and tells his wife to shove it on the same video transmission.
Make Outer Space a Little Less Lonely with Mechanically Separated Fish Spread
Self-gratification lubricant AND rich in amino acids? Wow!
Space Madness May Strike At Any Time. In Fact, You May Already Have It
Preparations are underway for every possible malady that may befall a glitter miner on the Sassy Girl Mining outpost. But mostly space bees.
Viva, The S##tbot Revolution! Viva!
It's easy to get mad on an asteroid glitter mine, especially when your best friend is a racist coffee machine.
In Deep Space, The Deadliest Game Is Man Playing Checkers
On the Sassy Girl glitter mine on asteroid dh-17, the generation gap is increased four years due to deep space communication lag. Is that too long for a father to bond with his Earth-dwelling son with a few fun board games?
Invasion Of The Death Cookies From Home
A care package from the wife contains love, and horribly spoiled foodstuffs threatening to contaminate the entire Sassy Girl Glitter Mine. Can the danger be ingested in time?
What's Knockerball? It's Human-Universal for 'Humiliation!'
The Sassy Girl glitter miners want to play knockerball against someone. Anyone.
'Is There Pizza In Space?' and Other Things a Terrifying Old Man Yells at Children About
Kids may be surprised to know that being crammed deep up the galaxy's butthole isn't as glamorous as it sounds.
Deep Space Boning
You just found out your girlfriend's been schtupping 65 strapping glitter miners a day, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
James Urbaniak visits an an ancient anonymous sex cave to answer the question the world cannot stop asking: what is the future of glory holes?
All aboard the knowledge train headed for "What's The Future Of Transportation"-ville. Your conductor? Host James Urbaniak of course!
Compulsory pro wrestling? Sexually-forward motorboats? Porn camp? Why, it sounds like the future of recreation has a lot to offer!
Things Yelling Like Goats Yelling Like People
Yelling like goats is sweeping the nation and if you think Guns N' Roses is going to sit this one out, you are SO DUMB WE CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT GET A BRAIN!
Rodney Morelli's International Cloud Registry
Rodney Morelli of the International Cloud Registry has some good deals on cloud opportunities to help cool you off during the dog days of summer - but don't take his word for it! Take the word of his client testimonials. Created by Superego. Voices: Mark McConville, Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, and Julie Klausner. Animation: Andrew Moroney
What's Inside a Basketball?
What's inside a basketball? Thing X's Tom Witte gets to the beating, bleeding heart of the matter, and of the basketball itself.
The Original Vacuum Cat
It's the hottest thing to hit the Internet since the last hottest cat video.
John Harris' Paleo Diet System
By eating cupcakes, pizza, candy, and other things the cavemen commonly consumed, you can be as strong and healthy as primitive man was.
Lube Pumps And Glitter Boys: The Gay Pride Parade Action Meeting
What, you think the Gay Pride Parade just magically comes together by itself? Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee is for people who can bring in enough lesbians on motorcycles.
Superego presents a scenario that is too harrowing for even the world's most celebrated secret agent. Created by Superego. Animation: Andrew Moroney. Voices: Jeremy Carter and Matt Gourley. Editing: Matt Gourley
Paris From the Heart
Genuine Frenchman Maxime Simonet takes you on a guided tour of the City of Light.
Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, Rihanna! OH MY! The Tender Loving Zone crew cuddles up to Hollywood and lends support and a sympathetic ear to some troubled celebs!
Fremont City Council Meeting
Members of the Fremont community gather to discuss important local issues: rock perfume and liquid bones. Voices improvised by Mark McConville, Matt Gourley, and Rob Delaney. Animation by Dan Hartshorn.
Order NSA's Greatest Hits Today!
For the first time ever, all the best phone calls and emails the NSA has illegally recorded from American citizens can be yours on compact disc! Order now!
The Breaking Bad Scene You Were NOT Supposed To See
What REALLY happened to Walter White? A cut scene from Breaking Bad that Vince Gilligan tried to make sure was never released may be the answer.
Great Actors Series: Jimmy Stewart
Actor Mike Bocchetti offers his moving interpretation of George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life"
MacWoof the Crime Hound Teaches You How to Sniff Out Murderers at Work
Poisoning is a form of murder! And other anti-murder tips from Mark Twain's crime-fighting cartoon dog friend.
What Really Happens When Dentists Put You Under Anesthesia
Always, ALWAYS memorize your coat of arms before going to see your dentist. Cast: Dr. Orenthal Simpson, DDS: Matt Gourley; Dental Assistant Laura: Mark McConville; Lars, The Night Dentist: Jeff Crocker. Sound design/editing by Matt Gourley. Directed and edited by Jeff Crocker.
Which Of Your Favorite New York Eateries Got a Fre-Strab Rating?
Restaurant reviews from Adult Swim food critic John Harris that are definitely lucid!
The Late Richard 'Dickie' Withers Never Got Them Big Poet Bucks
Mark Twain remembers the poet Richard "Dickie" Withers, who really could have helped out around the house more.