The Adult Swim Simulcast is on now

Shorts

How to Carve a Pumpkin

In preparation for Halloween, Xpert Matt Beacon shows you the best way to carve a pumpkin.

Facebook Twitter

Because there is nothing more shocking than grapes fighting to the death in the name of "sport."

Papa Paul demonstrates the River Boy Pose.

Another shocking casting twist! But who cares, because the main draw of this movie isn't the acting. Watch more Shorts on adultswim.com.

It worked for apes so why not. Watch more Shorts on adultswim.com

Dear graduates, Robby Rackleff is very invested in your future. You might want a restraining order.

It takes a village to decipher this interview.

We know why the caged bird laughs.

Who says three-year-olds are hard to buy for?

The best interviewer is a good listener. A really, really good listener.

The most handsome abnormality you've ever seen.

Shoot first, pray later.

Even the commander in chief has off-days.

This little guy has a lot of passion.

The show will never be the same.

Watch the performance that's had people talking all week.

These little guys sure have a lot to say!

This cute viral video has The Today Show hosts beside themselves.

This is a web video about nothing.

Don learns how to sell himself.

This is a bod you won't soon forget.

When toddlers fight, we all win.

This clip is so hot, you might throw up into a bucket.

Hearing is only for people who can handle it.

Chinese Stephen Colbert already on the shortlist to take over The Chinese Late Show.

Ellen takes pranking to the limit.

The gnarliest scenes in all of Westeros

Famous people weigh in on what they think happened to the missing Flight 370.

The incredible puzzle solution will knock you on your ass.

Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day with the most powerful film to come out of Ireland in the past 30 years.

We did something dumber than the First Kiss...

Legal troubles are the least of Bieber's worries.

Leaked footage from this summer's hottest blockbuster.

Brad Pitt will only be doing zombie roles for a while.

Essas cobras so conheco uma velocidade: psicotico.

Miley Cyrus is thrilled to see old friend Katy Perry at her show.

She's the hottest name in the industry right now. For maybe eight more seconds.

Sign up now and find your Package Match in time for Valentine's Day.

Kelly has all the gossip leading up to the Grammys, like which hot recording superstar just had his head blown off by a high-powered rifle.

Schauen sie sich dieses kleinen jungen fliegen! Fur immer und dann stirbt er!

If you have one minute, you can have a perfectly toned anus!

We say goodbye to some of our favorite celebs who passed away this year.

Actor Mike Bocchetti offers his moving interpretation of George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life"

Get a tantalizing taste of tonight's steamy feature presentation.

Forget about your stupid sh**ty Thanksgiving, you loser! What are the celebs doing!?!?

It's every American's right to see these dumpy bodies that just crapped out a baby!

Better brush up on your shredding skills - host James Urbaniak discovers that the future of communication is not words, but blazing guitar solos.

Compulsory pro wrestling? Sexually-forward motorboats? Porn camp? Why, it sounds like the future of recreation has a lot to offer!

All aboard the knowledge train headed for "What's The Future Of Transportation"-ville. Your conductor? Host James Urbaniak of course!

Join host James Urbaniak as he traverses the globe and the fabric of time, seeking to uncover what religion will look like in the distant future.

James Urbaniak visits an an ancient anonymous sex cave to answer the question the world cannot stop asking: what is the future of glory holes?

Winter is coming on fast, and you know what that means--the world is covered in hot, horny leaves. Kelly gives you the latest on all of fall's most f**kable foliage.

The dead have risen. Well, a dead has risen.

How do you hit a ball? What's the best running technique? How fast can a house go? All these questions and more are answered in this episode of 60-Second Knowledge

What do the universe and C. Thomas Howell have in common? They both failed miserably at their very first Twitter Feud!

Boinking means sex, right? That's what 'boinking' means?

If you think you can get away with your tired old facial features and body parts and still make it in Hollywood, you're in for a rude awakening!

Preparations are underway for every possible malady that may befall a glitter miner on the Sassy Girl Mining outpost. But mostly space bees.

What REALLY happened to Walter White? A cut scene from Breaking Bad that Vince Gilligan tried to make sure was never released may be the answer.

Self-gratification lubricant AND rich in amino acids? Wow!

Poisoning is a form of murder! And other anti-murder tips from Mark Twain's crime-fighting cartoon dog friend.

Make sure your stupid origami dragon has proper jaw articulation so you don't spiral into utter hopelessness, you loser.

The end of the summer signals a very special time of year. No, not Autumn you dumbbell! We're talking about the new sitcom lineup!

Kids may be surprised to know that being crammed deep up the galaxy's butthole isn't as glamorous as it sounds.

Mark Twain remembers the poet Richard "Dickie" Withers, who really could have helped out around the house more.

Always, ALWAYS memorize your coat of arms before going to see your dentist. Cast: Dr. Orenthal Simpson, DDS: Matt Gourley; Dental Assistant Laura: Mark McConville; Lars, The Night Dentist: Jeff Crocker. Sound design/editing by Matt Gourley. Directed and edited by Jeff Crocker.

Restaurant reviews from Adult Swim food critic John Harris that are definitely lucid!

You just found out your girlfriend's been schtupping 65 strapping glitter miners a day, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Mark Twain searches for adventure on his garbage raft.

Why did we pay Paul F. Tompkins tankards of ale and roasted pigs to play a little girl office manager? Watch and find out.

What do Quvenzhane Wallis and Lindsay Lohan have in common? We'll give you a hint, it's NOT that they're in jail or about to die.

Life on the Sassy Girl glitter mines is short, hard and surprisingly erotic.

Semi-Amateur Competitive Eater Bear Silber takes on his grossest challenge yet: Eating a huge pile of Cronuts without throwing up. Or with throwing up.

The Sassy Girl glitter miners want to play knockerball against someone. Anyone.

You should know how to throw a Frisbee before summer is over, don't you think? Let XHow Xpert Jason Roeder show you the proper grip!

A band full of fresh, nubile baby boys just begging to be exploited by old men and worshipped by tweenies? Can you think of a better subject for a movie? Kelly Hudson can't.

On the Sassy Girl glitter mine on asteroid dh-17, the generation gap is increased four years due to deep space communication lag. Is that too long for a father to bond with his Earth-dwelling son with a few fun board games?

Cake Time! Cake Time! Cake Time!

It's easy to get mad on an asteroid glitter mine, especially when your best friend is a racist coffee machine.

Work experience means nothing if you're not dressed up in a costume.

Being prepared means knowing where your interviewer's family lives.

Never miss an opportunity to show off your hammerlock suplex skills.

Hot, filthy, and boring! Everything you love in a music experience!

A care package from the wife contains love, and horribly spoiled foodstuffs threatening to contaminate the entire Sassy Girl Glitter Mine. Can the danger be ingested in time?

A careless gaffer pushes an entire stock footage film crew to the brink of murder, nihilism, and insanity.

Happy Birthday/so horny 4 u/It's over/Ichiro o korosu/We don't have much time

X-pert Matt Beacon shows you how to turn your broken life into cold, hard cash.

For the first time ever, all the best phone calls and emails the NSA has illegally recorded from American citizens can be yours on compact disc! Order now!

Kelly Hudson has all the dirt on the dozens of celebrity relationships that have ended recently.

Sassy Girl Mining Company employee James Bagley sends a heartfelt message to his son and tells his wife to shove it on the same video transmission.

Never take your eyes off the prize. Ever.

Subscribe to the best job of your life.

Interview? I hardly know view!

The Paynt Boyz search New York City for someone with the skills to join their crew who also doesn't scare them.

Confusion this real takes a lot of storyboarding.

Genuine Frenchman Maxime Simonet takes you on a guided tour of the City of Light.

Kelly Hudson is having a look under Princess Kate's knickers to identify the real father of the new royal baby.

An older fan goes bombing with the Paynt Boyz, but he seems more interested in a different paint crew.

007

Superego presents a scenario that is too harrowing for even the world's most celebrated secret agent. Created by Superego. Animation: Andrew Moroney. Voices: Jeremy Carter and Matt Gourley. Editing: Matt Gourley

The perfect oceanside hug is worth all the takes in the world.

What, you think the Gay Pride Parade just magically comes together by itself? Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee is for people who can bring in enough lesbians on motorcycles.

The boyz are strapped for dough so they start selling the one thing they've got plenty of: street cred. Also, hats.

By eating cupcakes, pizza, candy, and other things the cavemen commonly consumed, you can be as strong and healthy as primitive man was.

Kelly Hudson is going behind the scenes of this summer's hottest blockbusters to reveal which A-lister has a vestigial tail and who is sporting the hot head muscle that will have your helmet bulging.

A rival tagging crew disses the Paynt Boyz online, leaving Blayde, Ponk, Blaid, and Ivan no choice but to fight the mysterious PMS to get their cred back.

Four would-be street artists get together to start a crew that will dominate the five boroughs! Or not. Paynt Boyz. Represent.

Xpert Ted Snyder explains how laying completely still for hours and licking condensation off water pipes are just two of the many skills you'll need if you want to live behind Gary Oldman's walls.

It's time for a fresh start! Let our spring cleaning Xpert give you some meaty tips for tidying up your home.

Celebs aren't the only ones soaking up the sun and viciously attacking the paparazzi. Get the skinny on beach happenings at Cannes!

When you've got two people in a bed, you're going to have drama.

It's the hottest thing to hit the Internet since the last hottest cat video.

Everyone's talking about the NBA Finals, making it the perfect time for our research team to get to the beating, bleeding heart of the matter, and of the basketball itself.

March Madness romance is just inevitable and Hot Trash's Kelly Hudson is here to dig through the basketball court dirt for you in this year's HOOP SCOOP!

Yelling like goats is sweeping the nation and if you think Guns N' Roses is going to sit this one out, you are SO DUMB WE CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT GET A BRAIN!

Rodney Morelli of the International Cloud Registry has some good deals on cloud opportunities to help cool you off during the dog days of summer - but don't take his word for it! Take the word of his client testimonials. Created by Superego. Voices: Mark McConville, Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, and Julie Klausner. Animation: Andrew Moroney

TLZ

Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, Rihanna! OH MY! The Tender Loving Zone crew cuddles up to Hollywood and lends support and a sympathetic ear to some troubled celebs!

The living room residents take pity on a miserable sex toy left behind after the human's romantic evening.

Hot Trash host Kelly Hudson gives us some highlights from the 2013 Academy Awards.

Giving Gary a surprise birthday party is not the best idea the living room has ever had.

Thing X has the GRAMMY INFECTION! Check out which winners WEREN'T televised last night on Hot Trash!

A porn-loving laptop grosses out the living room with blatant displays of human sexuality, forcing Edwin to step in.

A sexually transmitted bedbug epidemic seems imminent in Magical Apartment Land and Tracy won't rest until she finds out who is patient zero.

The final installment of Porn Foley, the groundbreaking documentary on adult film Foley master Horst Pehl. Written and directed by Dyna Moe. Starring Mitch Magee, edited by Bill Buckendorf, and shot by Trent Ermes.

After an alcohol-filled evening, the living room residents are left with nothing but embarrassing, printed labels on their bodies and a whole lot of regret.

Members of the Fremont community gather to discuss important local issues: rock perfume and liquid bones. Voices improvised by Mark McConville, Matt Gourley, and Rob Delaney. Animation by Dan Hartshorn.

Foley artist Horst Pehl explores the rise of digital sound design and the role of union regulations. Written and directed by Dyna Moe. Starring Mitch Magee, edited by Bill Buckendorf, and shot by Trent Ermes.

Tracy tries to escape the fate that Sean the clock sees in the future after being set three minutes fast.

Part one of the definitive documentary on the adult film industry's preeminent Foley artist. Written and directed by Dyna Moe. Starring Mitch Magee, edited by Bill Buckendorf, and shot by Trent Ermes.

Xpert Matt Beacon shows you how to iron a shirt and look like a functional human being before the delivery person arrives.

Frank Diebel gives us some quick fix-it tips for when your crazy goddamn sister-in-law tries to claw her way through your dog door.

Home repair Xpert Frank Diebel shows you the second easiest way to unclog your drain, just behind not having your insane sister-in-law living with you for God knows how long.

A snooty foreign DVD is offended by the gang's love of Adam Sandler. But who is the REAL elitist? Probably that DVD.

Once art Xpert Jill Hanley learns to embrace her duck-drawing ability, she is introduced to a special friend who will change her life forever.

Art XPert Jill Hanley tries (again) to teach you how to draw.

Chad, a wall-mounted antelope head, undergoes hypnotic therapy to discover he was once a living, breathing creature. But in the process, he learns something more.

XHow Art Xpert Jill Hanley shows you how to draw a mountain landscape.

Xpert Matt Beacon shows you how to get out of bed.

Spooktacular Halloween decorations bring terror to the living room once again, forcing everyone to take matters into their own hands with the help of an unlikely ally.

In preparation for Halloween, Xpert Matt Beacon shows you the best way to carve a pumpkin.

Jealously rears its ugly head as Jimmy The Pillow resents the popularity of Billy The Pillow and vows to get him out of the apartment -- no matter what the cost. [When the humans leave, ordinary objects come to life as if by magic. They drink, swear, and have sex, also as if by magic.]

Learn how to build a birdhouse with our household crafts Xpert, John Banks.

Learn how to wrap a present, with Matt Beacon. [adult swim]

1.1.3