Cormac McCarthy’s latest novel is unfinished and for some reason he turns to Mike Tyson to help him find the ending. But just as Mike settles in to tackle some of that dense, unflinching McCarthy prose, a Chupacabra attacks! Mike puts down the book and puts up his fists. Buenas noches, Senor Chupacabra.
Someone at a well known computer company needs Mike Tyson’s help, but whom? And when the team arrives at the company headquarters, a highly publicized chess match between one of their supercomputers and Garry Kasparov complicates matters. So does Mike Tyson’s savage beating of Garry Kasparov.
Mike is a terrible driver and although they’ve all been accidents, he’s killed a lot of people. But when he discovers almost all of them were astronauts, Mike decides there’s only one logical explanation: He must be part of a secret government plot to kill astronauts, because of something they saw on the moon, something the government doesn’t want us to know! Literally before giving this theory a second thought, Mike steals a rocket and blasts off for the moon. In the end Mike learns from his auto insurer that he hasn’t been killing astronauts after all. It was a clerical error and most of the deaths were astronomers. And there can’t be a secret government plot to kill astronomers, right?
When an old wizard seems to have lost faith in the existence of magic, Mike thinks he can prove him wrong, if he can just find a leprechaun he met years ago, one night at a bar. Along the way, Mike manages to beat up illusionist Criss Angel AND actor Robert Redford, in separate incidents. And, in the end, Mike learns you don’t need to find a leprechaun, because there’s a leprechaun inside of us all.
When Mike learns that the itchy bites all over his body are likely from “bird mites”, he reluctantly tells Pigeon he has to move out.
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