The terrible secret of the Catholic Girls High School is revealed.
Lucy, daughter of Satan, struggles to find a boyfriend free of her father's meddling. The Prince of Lies sets her up on a blind date with a senator at Club Armageddon, home of DJ Jesus.
Satan buys Tequila Sally's, a chain of cheesy restaurants, and Lucy convinces him to hire DJ Jesus to be the karaoke disc jockey or KJ. Meanwhile, the Special Fathers and the Special Sister are closing in on Lucy using a sacred artifact they found at a flea market called the Glass Eye of Saint Augustine.
Satan and Becky, the Devil's advocate, believe if the people of the world masturbate just 8% more, civilization will collapse. So they launch Sinsperations!, a sex toy manufacturing and outreach operation. For the first time ever, Lucy shows an interest in her father's work - she wants to contribute ideas and do product testing. Satan thinks this is gross. DJ Jesus commissions a dildo of himself to commemorate a very special event.
The Prophesy tells us that if DJ Jesus doesn't perform at Burning Man an unholy sand storm will destroy the American west. The wind is rising, and everyone's waiting for him, but DJ Jesus gets lost in the desert, where Satan is waiting to tempt him with a food court, an electronics superstore, and finally, a magical place called Temptasia.
A teratoma is tumor that grows teeth and hair. Satan has one removed from his armpit and brings it home to be his friend. Terry the Teratoma immediately falls for Becky the Devil's advocate. Together they plot to kill DJ Jesus who has just published a novel - a thinly disguised roman clef called Lacy.
Senator Whitehead wants to announce his candidacy for President of the United States during a ritual human sacrifice at Bohemian Grove, as all serious Presidential candidates do. Satan suggests DJ Jesus as the sacrificee. The Special Fathers try to infiltrate the ceremony but will they be able to find the right kind of masks?
Senator Whitehead's son Tad is a registered sex offender so Satan gives him a job as a busboy at Tequila Sally's. Tad makes a life-sized sculpture of Lucy out of raw meat and left-over food and has sex with it in the walk-in refrigerator. Meanwhile, Satan becomes fascinated with the online sex offender registry and its artistic possibilities.
Vampire altar boys and vampire choir boys have been preying on priests throughout the city. The Archbishop of San Francisco asks the Special Fathers for help and the Special Sister gets a crash course in vampire hunting. But will she be ready for the terrifying and unholy Vampire Communion?
The Dreamster Sound Effects Machine was designed to help you fall asleep naturally and deeply. Warning: side effects may include drowsiness, nightmares, and psychotic episodes. If you die in your dreams you die in real life.
DJ Jesus and his entourage rent out an old Catholic girl's boarding school so he can work on his re-remix in quiet isolation. But thirty years ago this place was the scene of a grisly crime - and soon the past invades the present in the form of Catholic school girl ghosts and an irritating disco song.
A monster has been coming across the Golden Gate Bridge at night and attacking the city of San Francisco. Everyone - Satan, DJ Jesus, Senator Whitehead, even the Pope - wants to be involved in the final confrontation with this huge, terrible, and strangely familiar creature.
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