Stan mistakes a routine drill at work for the end of the world and rushes his family into the middle of nowhere to protect them. But when he realizes it's not the end of the world, he doesn't want to risk being called a "boob" so he keeps the charade going. Meanwhile, Roger joins JDate so he can have a wedding and get a new blender as a gift.
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine's past really was. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
The Smiths find out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to redeem himself by taking the family on a cruise, but when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand.
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about the neighborhood's opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day.
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida, where there is a warrant out for Jeff's arrest.
An homage to "Goodfellas." In order to be taken more seriously and to be a "somebody", Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all the power.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but the friend turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard, but the plan backfires.
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