Tara Babcock - Time To Waste Time

The big giant Kaypro adultswim.com mega-computer just spat out a report that concluded that, apparently, men don't really play video games. Guys have no idea what games are coming out this year. Or what games will be any good. Or even if there are games coming out this year. Guys, does anyone know anything? Well, no need to panic, because Tara Babcock does know. Tara’s a professional model, but, more importantly, Tara is also a self-described "gamer nerd" who blogs over at Impulse Gamer what we fellas are gonna wanna hafta play in the upcoming year. (All games pending ratings from ESRB unless otherwise noted)

Get to it, Tara . . .

Release: TBD 2012 for PC, Mac

Starcraft II: Heart Of The Swarm

I think all of the Blizzard releases this year are going to be really exciting. This game in particular is going to be interesting because it's more about the character of Kerrigan, who’s a really hot, weird, insect chick. And there's also going to be new elements for the multi-player mode: new characters and all that.

I play Terran, and I really love the idea of the hub and having a battle mode. I'm excited to see what other challenges I'm going to be up against.

What sort of guys would that appeal to?

Kerrigan was infected by the Zerg and became their queen. So, even though she’s a creepy half-breed thing, she's now even more naked-looking. But she's still pretty hot. She has the feminine curves, so that's going to be exciting.

So, the mutant girl next door?

[Laughs] Yeah, the Queen of Blades with sharp things coming out of her back. But she's got a nice butt.

“World of Warcraft has never been as serious as Diablo or StarCraft. It's cuter.”

Release: TBD 2012 for PC, Mac

World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria

Anyone who’s already played World of Warcraft knows that the last expansion wasn't too great. A lot of players were opting for other on-line multiplayer games instead. I think Mists of Pandaria is going to be interesting because it’s based on a new race of pandas, which is kind of cool. Instead of there being some kind of cataclysmic episode that makes everyone get into war, it's actually now the calm before the storm. It’s a scenic-peace vibe at first, but the Horde and the Alliance go in and attack this new panda race once they realize they have this nice earth that could be a source of valuable resources. They force the pandas to choose sides between Horde and Alliance.

Blizzard also added a Pokémon component to the expansion, which is going to be very interesting. You can do battle with all the critters you find. It's totally irrelevant, but I think it'll be fun.

There's been a lot of bickering on message boards about how the addition of a race of pandas could be sort of childish.

World of Warcraft has never been as serious as Diablo or StarCraft. It's cuter. No gore. It's really more of a PG-13 thing. I think the pandas were a long time coming. They actually were a joke a long time ago, and no one thought they were actually going to go through with it. I think it's cute, but at the same I did like the whole Lich King bad-ass persona. Blizzard is getting away from that. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

What class do you like to play in WoW?

I'm a hunter, and I have the shaman. I like the blood elves the best because they're more like normal elves.

What sort of guy would this appeal to? I don't want to say furries, but I can't think of anything else. Can you?

No. Unless they make the panda females curvy. [Laughs.] I don't see it. It could be turning into a cute girly game. They better have some sort of bad-ass component in there if they want to keep the attention of a guy.

Don't you think the female panda is going to be really curvy?

I think it's going to be like the wife who let herself go after years of marriage. [Laughs]

Release: TBD 2012 for PC, Mac

Diablo III [ESRB Rated M]

Well, Diablo has a lot of carnage. It's less like a strategy-based game and more like a hack 'n' slash, but you do have spells to creatively blow people away, which is something guys are always interested in. I'm excited about the barbarian. He's like a giant mountain-dwelling badass. I'm also excited about the demon hunter, who is really a badass. I've heard talk of a spring release, but no one ever knows for sure with Blizzard.

Assassin's Creed III

I have high hopes for this but I'm also scared that it's going to be set in the present time with Desmond as the main character, instead of actually having a past assassin. I also hear that it might be set in the American Revolution, which is kind of interesting. It sounds boring, but with Assassin's Creed you learn history. Ubisoft Montreal provides the key characters who behead everyone, or the main character who slaughters 50,000 people, or the main courtesan owner with all the hookers. They make it really interesting. They might embellish the truth a little bit, but you're also learning gruesome and interesting facts, which makes it more interesting.

“I like Mario Party because I grew up playing it with all the neighborhood guys, so I know why guys are drawn to it.”

Release: June 2012 for PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii U

Darksiders II

Darksiders is the ultimate guy’s game, that's for sure. [Laughs] The reason it was never well known was because it had a first-time developer, I don't remember their name [Vigil Games]. But they literally had no stance in the industry yet. Darksiders is amazing because you're one of the four gigantic horsemen [of the apocalypse] and you go around killing everyone.

In Darksiders II, you play as the character of Death instead of War. It's set at the same time as the first version, but it's from Death's point of view. I actually heard that they're going to make one of the four horsemen a female, which is going to be great. Or weird. I don't know if it's going to be good for the franchise or bad to imagine a girl being broodish. I just don't know how that's going to look. But I'm intrigued.

Release: March 11, 2012 for Wii

Mario Party 9

This is definitely for the casual guy who's not really into video games but wants to play with his friends - or with a girl. I like Mario Party because I grew up playing it with all the neighborhood guys, so I know why guys are drawn to it. The last one I played was Mario Party 7, but I'm excited to see this version. Plus, it's fun to invite people over who don't play video games, and you can get them into it that way.

Release: TBD 2012 for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360

DMC

That is definitely the game for the emo guy. I love the Devil May Cry series, but now that it's being developed by Ninja Theory rather than Capcom, I'm a little scared. Have you seen the revamped character of Dante?

With his swooshing emo haircut?

He's not nearly what Dante should be: with his suave white haircut. This is more like the emo kid who gets a hold of a gun, which is never a good thing. But I have faith in the Devil May Cry series and all of my guy friends play it. It's one of their favorites. The way Dante wields his gun or gun-blade or anything he uses is fantastic, and he always has a girlfriend who is way better than he is at fighting. He also has Lady, who is probably everyone's favorite. She has the two different-colored eyes, tight clothes, and a gun-blade. This would definitely be good for the jackass guy who wants to release a little tension through a video game. [Laughs.]