Christian Lander is the Internet's foremost blogger about the cultural habits of Caucasians, maintaining and updating stuffwhitepeoplelike.com since early 2008. While on a book tour behind the second volume spun from his blog, Whiter Shades Of Pale, Lander chatted with us about why Netflix is like the backyard, his undying passion for Pootie Tang, and how it was tough growing up a Canadian fan of Southern hip-hop.

Whiter Shades of Pale

“I think for our generation the unwatched Netflix movie is the new unfinished porch. That's who we are now.”

Lions For Lambs

Yeah, the Tom Cruise movie. I didn't watch it but I've had it out for six weeks. I saw a trailer for it, it looked like a political thriller, and I don't know, maybe I thought I was smarter than I really was. But I was like, "I'll like something with political intrigue!" And then when I got it I was like, "No I won't. I want to see movies where stuff blows up, and with boobs in it." So I've regretted my decision on that instantly, but I've had that one out. Big disappointment.

But I have a number of art films and documentaries that I consistently push down to the bottom. There's stupid documentaries that I like about steroids like Bigger, Stronger, Faster*, and then there's that documentary Born Into Brothels. That's been on my list forever but I haven't watched it. I know I should, and I know it's amazing, and I know I'll learn something but I'm an a**hole. I don't even know what to say. I keep pushing it down. It moves up and down on the list, but never to No. 1. That's kinda a dick move, but I can't help myself.

Well, but having that on there at all still gives you bragging rights to be able to say, "Yeah, that's on my list. I want to watch that!"

It's the literary equivalent of saying, "Oh yeah, I've heard of that book." Implying that you know more about it than you really do, but not being able to go so far as having someone question you [about it]. You're just very aware of it, and they'll assume you have stuff that's much more challenging ahead of it in the queue… When in reality what's ahead of it is Stripes or Meatballs. That's my one through four.

The Big Sleep

This one has been on there forever because I love Los Angeles history and obviously you're supposed to like film noir. It's been on streaming for forever, but I just can't bring myself to start it. I know as a snobby guy I should always criticize people who criticize things that are in black and white, but at the same time: It's in black and white. It's just been sitting there. You feel like it wins. You're like, "I will beat you, you stupid DVD." But then it wins because it just sits there, unwatched. I think for our generation the unwatched Netflix movie is the new unfinished porch. That's who we are now.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Look, it's set in the neighborhood that I grew up in in Toronto. How could I not love it? It's right up my alley. My friend told me to get into the comics, so he gave me the first four before this came out. But I didn't know anything about it before the movie. I started learning about it at Comic-Con, and then I read the books and decided to check out the movie. And yeah, Michael Cera is just playing himself but anyone who criticizes that… screw them. It's like, look, he plays himself because no one else can play that, and he's perfectly cast as Scott Pilgrim. Who else would you have gotten to play him?

Most actors play themselves all the time other than Edward Norton, [Robert] DeNiro used to in the old days, and Christian Bale. That's it. Otherwise, they all play themselves all the time. Even Matt Damon a little bit. [Cera's] good at it, and I like to watch him, so I don't like that criticism… or Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg! Don't get me wrong, but he's the same guy in every movie--but that's a great guy, a great character! It works. Don't change it. I don't want to see Jim Carrey being sad, and I don't want to see Michael Cera in an action movie.

Pootie Tang

This is a weird one. It didn't do that amazingly at the box office, but I absolutely adore it. I love, love love that movie. Pootie Tang is the only movie that I bought on VHS and then on DVD. Well, I like comedies better than anything else. That's just who I am. Comedies are my favorite thing in the entire world, and Pootie Tang is the greatest movie of all time. There's no other way to put it.

“Comedies are my favorite thing in the entire world, and Pootie Tang is the greatest movie of all time.”

I'm just gonna say [Pootie Tang writer-director] Louis C.K. doesn't publicly own up to this movie as much as he should. But you wanna run through the roster of people in it? Louis C.K., Chris Rock, Dave Attell, David Cross, Lance Crouther is in it, J.B. Smoove from Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's got this huge amazing list of talent, and I loved it. But it's definitely pretty absurdist humor and there's a fair amount of people who hate that. This is one that I'd most force on someone else.

Da Last Don

Watch the Trailer on YouTube.

When I was growing up, I was very into Southern hip-hop like Cash Money and No Limit. And…they made movies. The thing was they weren't available in Canada, just in the U.S. So when I got on Netflix I added every No Limit movie that was ever made, and as many Cash Money movies I could find. I was able to watch about three of them before my wife got upset and demanded I push them further down on the queue.

When I was growing up, I was very into Southern hip-hop like Cash Money and No Limit. And...they made movies.

Why did she get upset?

They are not very good. They're terrible, terrible films. One of them, Da Last Don with Master P? It's 40 minutes, shot on a camcorder, somehow he's Italian, and it was unbelievably horrible. You can barely understand anything anyone says, and the audio is just so bad. Yeah, it was the next level of terrible. So my wife got mad at them.

They're almost as bad as this documentary series called Hood 2 Hood: The Blockumentary. You gotta look it up. The line that made me push them back down was the Houston one. They chopped and screwed the video so it's all slowed-down for the whole movie. And it wasn't like music. It was people being interviewed documentary-style, and it'd be chopped and screwed. She was like, "You're not allowed to have any of these in the top 10." So I keep them down to kick back up when she's on the road. She just thought it was unwatchable, and didn't like the idea that anyone was getting money from it.

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