Valentine's Day Gift Guide 2012

It’s that time of year again. Hearts are beginning to flutter. And so are wallets and pocketbooks. Nervous? Anxious? Don’t be. Whether your lover is a fan of books, of gadgets, or of just eating a microwavable dinner in front of the TV, partially nude, Adult Swim has the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day - also known as “the most romantic day of the year that was invented by greeting card companies.”

Warning: Adult Swim should in no way be held legally responsible if any of the following gifts happen to result in a lack of sex or in a lack of anything else, for that matter. That’s your therapist’s problem. Good luck!

2012 Fairy Tale Fantasies Calendar

Treat your man to "A Whole New World" of questionable sexual proclivity with this 2012 calendar of fairytale hotties and realistic-looking foxxxy blond mermaids, courtesy of the legendary comic book artist J. Scott Campbell.

Price: $25

Aurora Plush Unicorn Fancy Pal

Is your boyfriend just a bit too macho? Is he constantly starting bar fights and embarrassing you with his “rough around the edges” style? Maybe all this tough guy really needs is an elegant, fuzzy, stuffed pal. When a man feels truly fancy, he sees the whole world as fancy. That phrase is copyrighted.

Price: $9.99

Dinoprints

All men love a dinosaur—at least an illustrated one. By giving him this special gift, you will imply: "I would like to ride your Woolly Mammoth."

Price: $49.95

Pajama Jeans

Finally, a product that makes getting into her pants that much more convenient for everyone involved.

Price: $39.95

Milla Jovovich's Red Dress from Resident Evil: Extinction

Why limit your Resident Evil role-playing to the boring confines of the bedroom? Dress your lovely lady like the beautiful Milla Jovovich that you really wish her to be, all the while pretending to fight zombies in the post-apocalypse! She'll be ripping that red dress off before you can say, "Damn it, woman! That thing cost me four grand!"