Since Edward Snowden was revealed as the person who leaked classified information on NSA surveillance programs, the former CIA technical assistant has had his character attacked by those who regard his actions as illegal or even treasonous. What are they likely to say next?

1. Snowden once got mad and screamed at his girlfriend in an Applebee’s parking lot. Who can trust a guy like that? 

2. Probably absolutely loves Reddit. Creep.

3. During the 2012 presidential election, Snowden never released Mitt Romney’s tax return. What does he have to hide?

4. In 2009, Snowden took a trip to Vietnam, onetime home of child molester Gary Glitter. 

5. Having already shown his willingness to stand up for the privacy of the citizens of the United States, just what other country’s citizens will Snowden stand up for next?

6. Very clearly explained his agenda. What’s his agenda?

7. Only his head is visible in his widely viewed hotel interview, because the rest of his body has already defected to China.

8. Glasses suggest vision impairment—will Edward Snowden be coming for your eyes?!