News FAQ: The Continued Threat of Invasive Species
With the discovery of the zebra mussel in two new lakes in Minnesota, the lionfish at new depths in the Atlantic ocean, and the continued encroachment of garlic mustard across the country, invasive species are wreaking more and more havoc on the environment. Here are some of the most common questions from around the web about these plants and animals:
Q: I brought my beagle into work, and now there are thousands of beagles inhabiting the office. Is that what you're talking about?
A: Well, you did introduce a new species into an alien habitat with potentially devastating results, so technically yes.
Q: Wait! Are there lionfish in Fresno? I live in Fresno!
A: No lionfish in Fresno that we know of.
Q: As a boat owner, I'm not going to take necessary precautions to prevent the zebra mussel from spreading. You know this, right?
A: We know. We expect very little from boat-owning Americans.
Q: Won't the lionfish naturally take down the zebra mussels? It's in their nature.
A: First of all, lionfish are saltwater and zebra mussels are freshwater. Also, aquatic life doesn't automatically mimic the land animals they are named after.
Q: What's the worst invasive species? Don't say humans!
A: Some would argue that the worst invasive species is huma—oh, goddamn it.
Q: Does this mean we're all going to die?
A: Well, we are all going to die, but this doesn't necessarily mean that.
Q: Can't we just tell the Russian mob that these invasive species are snitches?
A: You cannot use the cruelty of Russian mobsters to solve all of life’s problems.
Q: All this talk about invasive species reminds me of what my grandma said about how the neighborhood used be so nice until one day—
A: Okay, stop right there. Shut the hell up now. We are not going to have any of that sort of talk.
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