Landmarks in Gay History
With the overturning of the Defense Of Marriage Act by the Supreme Court, gay rights in America have taken a huge step forward. To commemorate this landmark moment, here is a look back at some other leaps forward in homosexual equality:
197,014 BC: During a break from foraging, two male homo sapiens communicate through crude verbal cues that, while they enjoy orgasms, the idea of coupling with a female does not appeal to them.
Circa 600 BC: The Greek lyric poet Sappho begins the "U-Haul Lesbian" stereotype by moving in with her girlfriend after writing only two poems about her.
1463: Polymath Leonardo Da Vinci publicly denies being homosexual, but that just means he totally is.
1775: Paul Revere follows up his famous midnight ride with a second, gay midnight ride, in which he specifically warns homosexuals of advancing British soldiers.
1894: Oscar Wilde is arrested for “deviant acts” and sent to prison, where no deviant acts are ever known to have occurred.
1924: Publisher Jack Chick is born.
1956: Four years after his polio vaccine was released in 1952, Jonas Salk proudly announces that additional testing has proved the inoculation “safe and effective for homosexuals as well.”
2003: The United States Supreme Court strikes down sodomy laws, pretty much making it open season for the nonstop f**k-and-suck-fest in the streets that has continued to this day.
2011: The world at large collectively realizes that it doesn't at all care whether Tom Cruise is gay, much as they wouldn't really be too bothered if he fell into a volcano or got sucked through a jet's engine.
June 26, 2013: A brave copy editor comes out of the closet in a subtle, understated way, inspired by a gay-themed web article he is currently proofreading.
Say Goodbye to a Store, a Couple Florists, a Human Statue, Some Raccoons, Your Innocence, a Domino’s Pizza, and Your Wife and Kids.12/02/2013
This Is Your Last Week Before Realizing You Are Nothing but a Pawn in Someone Else’s Mysterious Game11/11/2013