Halloween Games...For Adults Only!!!
Halloween is one of the most fun holidays, and it's not just for kids! If you're having a party this year, try some of these super fun, super spooky activities for you and your grown-up friends!
Here's a great game for a house packed with guests: Grow up. How about instead of traipsing around pretending to be Don Draper or Doctor Who or whatever you take a little responsibility for yourself and act like an actual adult for the first time in your life? What are you, 28? Thirty? Your grandparents owned their own homes and had three kids by the time they were your age, and they sure as shit didn't stay up until 4 a.m. playing some fake murder mystery bullshit and arguing about with their favorite Kubrick movies with their equally pathetic roommates.
How about this one! It's called "Where's The Dignity?" Of course, it's pretty much impossible to play with a room full of college-educated dipsticks in truly stupid costumes, paying pathetic homage to their childish, escapist fantasies because they're absolutely terrified of the real world, but I promise you, it's a really fun game! Anyway, NEXT.
Ooh, here's a game you will be able to play! All you have to do is examine your life and ask yourself "what am I contributing to society?" Don't strain yourself too much on this part, because the answer is "nothing." The really important part comes next: It involves truly and honestly determining whether you deserve to continue to live and breathe and gobble up resources that could be used by those who will actually make a difference in this world instead of pursuing their own selfish agenda dressed up like some sort of cat-whore-thing.
If you arrive at a different conclusion than "I absolutely do not deserve to continue existing," you lost. But you can still win this game! Just take that stupid kerchief around your neck from the cringe-inducing Moonrise Kingdom boy scout costume you coordinated with your equally useless girlfriend, tie the other end to a fire escape, and remove yourself from the path of progress before you do any more damage, you irretrievable, non-contributing void.
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