You've earned your money, so when you spend it, you want bang for your buck. Spend it on a regular apple? Does a regular apple knock you out and give you diarrhea? Does a regular energy drink have the tar and nicotine you crave? Does regular grief counseling give you a constant, tangible reminder of your horrific loss? No. Only Cinco does that. Thanks again, Cinco.

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  The Cinco Napple

  You can either have Mike Seaver from Growing Pains telling you to convert to his religion, or you can have his dad knock you unconscious. We don't see a contest here.
• 2.

  Cinco Urinal Shower

  If only everyone who encountered a random nude man in the bathroom was inspired to break into a fresh R&B jam.
• 3.

  Cinco Boy

  Don't freak out, but Gorb is standing behind you, right now.
• 4.

  Mancierge

  It's the human element that makes this product connect. You won't find a mobile web browser with coffee on its trousers. And how can we relate to that? We have coffee all over our trousers, all the time. All the time.

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