We don't make these lists because you click on them. We make them because we don't get laid a lot. And yes, we live vicariously through toys. Stop judging us!

• 5.

  Rape Ghost

  Nobody tell the ghost of Joanne Rio, she'll be so confused.
• 4.

  Terminator

  Do we really want the revolution to be in the hands of a guy who's banging robots?
• 3.

  What, What!

  It's not like they felt any pain, they were living on a crack rock.
• 2.

  Your Kiss

  Oates's list was really more of a manifesto. His solo project, "Doin' Ya Up the Butt Is In My Manifesto," failed to connect with audiences.
• 1.

  Pre-Pubescent Alien Whore

  If only the explanation for reality TV really was this simple.

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