• 1.
    In America and Eternia alike, the sex tape craze has really opened people's eyes to the fact that, just like common people, celebrities love to engage in tepid, joyless sex.
  • 2.
    Ordinarily, he would have saved this trick for the next morning and every subsequent time he passed her by in the Eternia Kroger.
  • 3.
    If we could just get the whole nation on the same menstrual schedule, we're pretty sure we could get the government to pass a "monthly week off" bill.
  • 4.
    Dentists and dental hygienists are sadistic sons of bitches. Worse than that, they play the disappointed card, too. We don't floss, all right? We're not going to. Live with it.
  • 5.
    Statistically, you're twice as likely to get pulled over by a cop if your driver doesn't have any flesh on his skull.
  • 6.
    There are certain rules you just can't break in Eternia: no heterosexual clothing, no complicated movements, no correct pronunciations of "robot," and no matter how appropriate or necessary it may seem, no killing.
  • 7.
    Skeletor's elaborate plans to conquer Castle Grayskull often reminded us of that time we tried to win a football game by vandalizing an office park. That didn't work either.
Sign up for email updates