Wouldn't it be great to just sit down with a newscaster and pick his brain? Just open his head, take out his brain, and pick it apart, so he can't use it anymore? Or maybe just put back the parts that read, not the ones that are in charge of asides, dismissive bluster, intonation that belies a political slant, concern-face, and banter. And find the one that's in charge of headline wordplay and just light it on fire.

Watch Family Guy weeknights at 11pm.

• 5.

  Cancer Test

  We actually prefer this to the getting our testicles rolled around in the doctor's hand and given a biopsy method. Thanks, Tom.
  
• 4.

  Brand New Day

  This is why police presence is so important. In fact, if there wasn't a section of the force that dealt only with song and dance numbers, just think where we would be as a society.
  
• 3.

  Diane Simmons to play Anna

  We haven't seen this kind of an unprofessional personal attack on a news show since Bill O'Reilly interviewed whomever it was that he interviewed last.
  
• 2.

  The Channel Five Pistol

  It's refreshing to see anchor banter that's more painful for the anchors than the audience.
  
• 1.

  Peter's Grinding Gears

  Priests and Rabbis have been let off the hook for far too long. Go get 'em, Peter.
  

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