• 5.
    If fathers would just allow their sons to be open with them, then they could share everything; maybe even paint that homoerotic Fred Dryer mural together.
  • 4.
    When you're arguing with your hand over whether you're best dad or the best son, it's likely that neither is true.
  • 3.
    Sometimes, killing the London Philharmonic is just a cry for help.
  • 2.
    Okay, so I'm a dad. How can I get my nipples involved?
  • 1.
    Some fathers just want the best for their children. And if they can't provide the best, sometimes they drown them.